Excerpts
from "Father of Endless Mercy":
Chapter
2
...This experience gave me a new respect for life. During
the solitude of my recovery in the hospital, and for the month
at home afterwards with my Mom, I felt drawn to an inner peace
that I could not explain. I began to pray to God, that He
would show me a better life than the one I saw all around
me. I wanted to move towards this inner peace, which was so
different from all the confusion around and inside me. I wanted
to get away from the drugs, the alcohol, and the constant
party mentality that had found its way into my life like so
many other teenagers. Although by the grace of God I never
got heavily into either drugs or alcohol, I knew it wasn't
for me. Within the quiet of my soul, I felt as if I was being
drawn into a place of peace, a place where I also felt secure.
On the outside, I was quite a sight, because the glass had
left deep purple scars on my swollen cheek and forehead, scars
which took many years to heal...
Chapter
3
...During this time, I had many consoling years as a father
myself. There is no joy on earth greater than being surrounded
by happy little ones who look up to you for love and guidance.
Within the family that God had given me, I finally found purpose
and meaning in my life. As hard as times were, and as poor
as we were, these days were by far the happiest days of my
life.
I realized
I was scared to have a family because I felt so inadequate
- there were no references or happy experiences of family
life I could draw upon. I also didn't have any available parents
to share my anxieties, or even my joys with. It was hard to
believe that things would turn out right for us because I
was alone and living on my own at such an early age. I tried
my best to trust God, and relied on my wife's good judgement,
her family experience, and her very reassuring words. I myself
felt I was walking through life in the dark, and my fearfulness
and anxiety increased to a very high degree. I did not know
how I managed to get through each day.
Chapter
4
...Soon after, not having told a soul of this experience,
I took a drive to St. Thomas Seminary in Bloomfield, CT ,
and sat in their chapel. Alone in the shadows at the back
of the church, I simply asked God "please help me come
back." It was a feeble cry, and I was scared, but the
alternative, a life without God in the company with the likes
of those in that atmosphere of hell, was scaring me far worse.
Chapter
6
...In one of the last days before he died, I had another moment
alone with him. I started to cry because I knew he was going
to go any time. He woke up then, and asked me why I was crying.
I told him through my tears that I wanted to "be with
him where he was going".
There
is something very special about the relationship between a
Father and a son, something that not even years and years
of separation can destroy. At that moment I became determined
that I would walk through hell itself if that's what it took
to be with my Father where he was going, and that nothing
or nobody would stop me. It was at this moment I was truly
able to let go of my fear of God and of the Church, and I
realized in one beautiful moment the words of St. John - "perfect
love casts out all fear". He opened his eyes and said
out loud, "You will be with me". Then he said, very
strongly "Guaranteed!" Those words were the most
consoling words my Father ever spoke to me, and gave me indescribable
peace.
Chapter
7
At the
seminary one day, after Mass, I went into their bookstore.
The woman behind the counter came over to me and for some
reason asked me if I had ever read the diary of Sister Faustina.
I asked, "Sister who?" She looked at me intently,
and then said to me, "you must read the diary of Sister
Faustina". I said, "OK", feeling like God was
trying to get my attention about something. She ordered the
diary for me, and a few weeks later I got the call that the
book was in. When I picked up the book, there on the cover
was the same Image of Jesus with the rays coming from His
Heart, the Image my Father had given me a year ago and told
me I must learn all about because it would be very important
to me. That night, I began to read, and I read and read -
I could not put this book down! I did not want it to ever
end!
Over the
course of the next few months, I read vigorously. It became
for my soul what food was for my body. I began to understand
my life in a new light by coming into contact with such a
higher degree of spirituality. How can I describe it? The
spiritual realities Sister wrote about, and how they affected
her, informed me of my own. She became a guide to me, so complete
were her writings. No one had ever been able to inform or
comfort me on these levels. I was no longer alone...
more from Chapter 7
...I saw my Father rise above his pain and embrace the Cross,
and not complain or curse, but persevere until the last breath.
He united all his pain - spiritual, physical, emotional -
to the Cross of Christ, and with knowledge and deliberation,
prayed that his pain would have value for his soul, and the
souls of others. Is there a better way to die? To give up
one's spirit while having persevered until the final breath,
with the attitudes of Christ?
Chapter
8
The priest was Father Seraphim Michalenko, of the Marians
of the Immaculate Conception (MIC), who served as vice-postulator
for the cause of Saint Faustina in North America. It was he
who investigated the two miracles which led to her canonization,
and worked tirelessly gathering the materials which were used
in her canonization process. Father still works tirelessly
today spreading this message all over the world, leaving for
India as I write.
Little
did I know that night, God would soon answer my prayer, and
through events which I could not have planned in a million
years, I found myself in Father's study one day three years
later, discussing the possibility of making a film based on
the mystical experiences of Saint Faustina. The purpose of
the film - to spread to a secular audience the message of
God's infinite love and mercy for mankind, and the closeness
of His return.
Chapter
9
Although I look back with gratitude on the great graces Our
Lord gave me, graces which gave me the courage and desire
to return to Him and the Church He founded on Peter, I often
lament the many years I spent away from God, and the many
things I did that were not in keeping with His will.
One spring
morning on a walk alone, after a night of regret and tears,
I asked Our Lord why He had let me fall so far, and to hurt
my loved ones and myself so grievously. I clearly heard His
voice as soon as I thought the question, "If
you had not fallen, you would never have come to know My Mercy!"
In this dramatic way, Our Lord had answered.
As I thought about His words, understanding began to come
immediately. He allowed me to fall to teach me about myself
and my true relationship with Him, and to chip away at that
great delusion of pride and self love we all have, without
being even conscious of it. He allowed these unfortunate mistakes
to eventually become a source of strength and humility, for
hardly a day goes by when I don't remember with regret the
hurt I caused, and contemplate my weakness and propensity
to sin.
Some have
wondered why I mentioned the grievous sins of my past, despite
the fact that some will judge me harshly for it. I do not
want myself or anyone else to think more of me than I really
am. I am a sinner, most in need of God's mercy. This
is why I throw myself into the merciful arms of Christ, and
why the devotion to "The Divine Mercy" means so
much to me. Some may be tempted to think because of
their past, that they are beyond the reach of God's mercy,
but there is no sin that we can commit that is beyond God's
mercy to forgive, no tragedy that cannot be healed. No one
should be discouraged and not come to the Lord because of
their own serious sins. My life is an example that we can
never be beyond the reach of God's mercy; that God the Father
of many prodigal sons and daughters yearns to forgive us,
bless us, and pour sanctifying grace into our souls, without
which we cannot enter heaven.
This
website published by Mercy Films, Inc. ©2005 Mercy Films,
Inc. - All Rights Reserved
Vilnius Image of The Divine Mercy ©2003 Archdiocese of Vilnius
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